Sunday Morning Subtle But Obvious Organized Self Abuse Swim Club

Occupy Meals-On-Wheels! Re-post

2011-12-26T10:01:00.002-05:00

So I have this dream... And it is not just that I would sell or give away breads and such. My dream is to start-up an independent meals-on-wheels program. With, you know, edible, actually nutritious, food. I don't know how it is in your community but here in A2, despite having some real money, a lot of really great and dedicated volunteers, and a partnering with U-M, they are sending out thousands of pounds of inedible, visually unappealing, patently institutionalized, and wastefully packaged, food. Every person that I have worked for that got meals-on-wheels usually threw away something like 10 lbs. (or more) of food a week PER PERSON! Styrafoam, plastics, and all of that sort of thing as well. It was dreadful to watch. But people who are food insecure, or unable to cook, will not leave the program as they are fearful that they might eventually need it enough to eat some parts. So I have watched it pile up in refrigerators and then get thrown out when the pile took over.

Anyway, it seems to me that a way to help solve this is to have a privately run program. So that someone would have the authority to say "we're not sending out any gross, institutional food". Have it be heavily soup/stew based, as nutritionally soup is a god-food. As well as that many of these potential clients (the elderly, the sick, the disabled) have various health issues that make chewing, swallowing, digesting, etc. problematic anyway.

The current program is so committed to meats as the primary protein source that they absolutely sacrifice quality to quantity and end up serving huge quantities of very disturbing, mostly inedible, meats from extremely dubious sources, what a waste! This could be managed much differently and still appeal to most folks who want some meat.

I am not completely opposed to some tinned foods. I have seen tinned peaches prolong life and the desire to live! I am not opposed to meat, I am an omnivore. I just think that with the dietary knowledge we now have that there has to be a better way to do a protein delivery system. That with the technologies available there should be less waste in packaging. That people who are struggling with food insecurity should have a resource that is viable, edible, nutritious, enjoyable, a source of pleasure, something to look forward to instead of being burdensome and guilt inducing because one wants some security but simply cannot physically or emotionally partake of most of what is given.

Occupy Meals-on-Wheels! That is my goal.

I Love A Chicago Party, Not THE Chicago Party

2011-08-02T09:36:00.001-04:00

Dude you are really sucking at this POTUS thing. I even dragged my nonvoting partner to the polls to vote for you. I really believed in about 1/2 of what you promised which you totally haven’t even begun to deliver on an 1/8th. Everyone thought you were so fresh. What you are proving yourself to be is a typical Chicago democratic party machine politician. Let’s just call you prez Daley from now on shall we?
If you want a second term you better pray some messiah-like independent doesn’t raise up and run against you because you totally ripped off your constituents when you cast yourself in that light .
You really don’t get that we’re no longer straight party people do you? My Dad insists that you’re just cagey, but he’s a staunch Dem. I am not burdened with that loyalty nor are a lot of people my age and younger. From over here it looks like you suck worse than Clinton and only minutely less than Bush.
God I am so sickened of politicians bullshit.

Intuixiety

2011-07-06T12:56:00.000-04:00

Here’s the thing about my brain, body, connection:
I was trained to try to work my intuition like a muscle. I’ve written about that before but that was YEARS ago, I don’t expect you to look it up. Anyway, I have worked at this working from intuition thing for a very long time, since I was about eighteen, and that, my friends, is a very long time. But what has happened in perhaps the last fifteen years or so, is that now that I no longer self-medicate for painful shyness, depression, social and other anxiety disorders, some of the physical sensations I had learned to associate with the “pay attention” signals from the realms of the mothers, are now mixed with my ever increasing, anxiety based physical symptoms. This now occurs at a level which makes it quite difficult for me to sort out whether, when I get a certain butterflies, nervy, slightly nauseous feeling is it a phone call from the psyche or a chemicals gone wrong, message.

This is one of the reasons that I take so little of my properly prescribed medication. I always am trying to sort out which way the wind is truly blowing. The funny thing about that? That I am required to get drug tested on a fairly regular basis to ascertain that I am actually taking drugs! This irony is certainly not lost on me.

So the question for me becomes, as it probably has been since the beginning, is how much of myself will I lose if I take psych meds? This whole issue is really “up” for me right now, as I finally reached the decision to put my little (cat) girl in Prozac. What a hard decision that was. Sorting out the power and control issues incumbent in forcing psych meds, that I have refused myself, on another being... Not comfortable at all. But she has been a victim of severe anxiety for such a long time that I have decided to at least try it for awhile and see if she becomes a happier creature. The perpetual question: will she lose some essential self-ness?

The Myth of Independence

2011-07-04T15:59:00.000-04:00

Nigel just reminded me that it is the anniversary of this blog. I’m pretty sure we’re talkin’ six years here. And somehow it has survived. Granted it was on it’s deathbed for quite awhile as I was feeling oppressed by trolls. But for now they’ve gone away and the underside of my bridge is (for now) a cool and shady place to hang out by the water again. Apparently I can’t flourish well in sunlight being forced off my own little, slice of heaven, real estate. I assume they’ll show back up. I’ll cross my bridge when that comes to it.

Here’s the thing about “Independence” day; we only gained that independence by being able to depend on people like Lafayette (ergo countries like France). There is no real independence especially in the modern world. The Randsian ideal of the self-made man is a complete myth. If Howard Roarke designed, built and engineered a skyscraper all by himself, with his bare hands, using tools he made himself, I’d like to see it.

Especially in this era of specialization. The right hand has no fricking clue how the left hand does it’s job, only that it passes the piece over to be finished also not knowing what that will entail.

If you think you can survive without anyone or anything please walk naked and weapon less, with not one supply, into the woods right now, stay there completely alone and cut off for ten years and when you come out I promise we’ll give you a book deal.

*Oh did I also mention only people who spontaneously arose fully formed, and were never suckled, nurtured or taught, need apply.

O da ghee-La

2011-06-25T17:58:00.000-04:00

I am totally in love with this picture

LFMCoF # 19

2011-06-24T08:02:00.000-04:00

While boiled, buttered & salted, cabbage with caraway seed is a fairly standard Eastern European peasant food, the same cabbage with cumin seed is rather a nonstandard eye opener. Moral of the story: Best to keep caraway, cumin and fennel seeds in different parts of the spice rack.

Mock rockin' 2011

2011-06-21T10:24:00.001-04:00

The mock orange just gets more fantastic every year. The scent is what the pure lands smell like, I just know it.

The three incomparable C's

2011-06-16T08:13:00.004-04:00

Yesterdays market smelt of small children and Sno-cones
Flowerscent had to compete so it stayed to the outskirts
Nodding and smiling to all people I knew
I had three incomparable C's laid out on the stoop
Tried getting through to the hospital
and oblivious dads parked squalling infants in my face

Yo Thor Jones!

2011-06-05T20:57:00.000-04:00

Wake up it's supper time!!!

Guess who got a new camera???

2011-06-05T20:51:00.000-04:00

LFMCoF # 18

2011-06-05T08:19:00.000-04:00

You know how people are often bemoaning how “there’s never enough time”? Well they’re definitely not talking about thyme.

LFMCoF # 17

2011-06-04T07:43:00.000-04:00

A really, really, really, small pebble of mastic (a Middle Eastern resinous gum) really goes a very, very long way in scenting a dish extremely exotically.

LFMCoF #16

2011-06-03T08:52:00.003-04:00

You will always need more counter space/elbow room than you have available. That lovely, expensive, bottle of Pomegranate Molasses that you just recently realized how delightful and useful it really is? It’s much easier to just move it to safety than to clean it off the floor.

LFMCoF # 15

2011-06-01T15:02:00.000-04:00

The pie (no matter what kind, but especially the one with gravy) will always overflow the pie plate and the baking sweet potatoes will always goo. It is quicker and easier to get that baking sheet out and place it underneath, than to clean the oven, lazy girl.

LFMCoF #14

2011-05-29T08:18:00.000-04:00

No matter how hard pressed for time you are, most things SHOULD be allowed to cool a bit before trying to put through the blender, cuisinart, food mill, ricer, etc., etc.

LFMCoF #13

2011-05-28T16:36:00.000-04:00

There really is no way that the wild crafted, organic, pine nuts @ $80 a lb. are going to be significantly, spectacularly, enough better than the regular @ $20 a lb. to be worth it.

LFMCoF #12

2011-05-26T03:27:00.000-04:00

• Not everyone enjoys your method of making Midwest Middle Eastern food “a little more authentic tasting” by bunging rose water into various recipes.

LFMCoF #11

2011-05-25T16:45:00.000-04:00

• Not everyone enjoys your method of making Midwest Mex food “a little more authentic tasting” by bunging chocolate into various recipes.

LFMCoF #10

2011-05-24T06:57:00.001-04:00

• While baking soda or salt can smother a grease fire, flour is actually an incendiary.

LFMCoF #9

2011-05-23T09:44:00.000-04:00

• Never trust a recipe from the thirties, forties or fifties in that it calls for sufficient butter or what we now consider to be a normal amount of salt. Unless you really rather like your pastries to resemble Saltines.

LFMCoF # 8

2011-05-22T11:33:00.000-04:00

• Never, ever, again trust a Kroger, it was right there on the counter, looking so tempting, pumpkin pie. That is unless you have a kink for vomiting so hard you might: bring up toenails, never stop peeing yourself, and actually aspirate while sitting upright... (Always make your own).

LFMCoF #7

2011-05-21T07:45:00.001-04:00

Before volunteering to make the “rolls” for your neighbors fancy, schmancy Thanksgiving dinner party, it’s best to have used yeast a few times and to have gained a basic ability to raise dough as opposed to serving wet-in-the-middle gluten balls.

LFMCoF #6

2011-05-20T08:23:00.001-04:00

• If you are really excited about your new cuisinart, and let your drunky, caveman, roommate de-virginize it by making his “special”, chunky, salsa, you should know that it may be more than twenty years before you are financially, and psychologically, ready to try your new, new cuisinart yourself.

LFMCoF #5

2011-05-19T09:59:00.000-04:00

• When the book and the DVD have both enjoined you repeatedly to “remember that cuisinart blades are razor sharp”, it behooves the person who has avoided getting their tetanus booster since they were fourteen, to not attempt to grab said blades when they learn to fly.

LFMCoF #4

2011-05-18T20:04:00.000-04:00

• You must wait for the blender to completely stop whirring before sticking in a wooden chopstick to dislodge the nonmoving stuff at the bottom. Nobody loves strawberry-splinter smoothies.

LFMCoF #3

2011-05-17T18:25:00.000-04:00

• If your gas stove and sink are at immediate right angles to each other, wearing a bellbottom sleeved shirt while boiling potatoes on the lower right burner and simultaneously washing the dishes, is not a happy thing. And if your fringed, polyester sleeve would be on fire, plunging it into the dishwater would be much more clever than running across the room while the resulting napalm adheres to your arm.

LFMCoF #2

2011-05-16T07:40:00.000-04:00

• Just because some people, for some unknown reason, like Hawaiian style pizza, it doesn’t of necessity follow that a sauté of ham, pineapple and cream sauce will be acceptable.

LFMCoF #1

2011-05-15T13:24:00.002-04:00

New Series...

Oil-pulling thing - I am still doing this. I had a break after about 47 days, when the house situation changed. People moved out, people moved in, the living room moved upstairs, all of which threw my AM routines completely out of whack. But I’m getting back in the groove and I did finally switch to coconut oil which is completely neutral tasting and makes the whole thing easier... And I do find there are some health benefits to it. I don’t know about all the wild claims but my mouth is definitely healthier.

Now I am on to a new thing gleaned from the #LFMF (Learn From My Fail) website. But this is (naturally) about cooking. So starting with one of the oldest I can remember:
LFMCoF #1

• If you are only eight, and have begged to be allowed to prepare the Blueberry Cobbler for the special company dinner, and you are having trouble deciphering your mom’s spidery script on the recipe card, just ask her. She would have been happy to explain that it actually said to mix two tablespoons of flour (not salt) into the berries.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Twenty-one, Twenty-two & Twenty-three

2011-02-23T09:30:00.001-05:00

So I have a new twist and it seems to be making this more interesting in terms of teeth whitening anyway.

I was looking around on the net at different oil pulling sites, both those singing it’s praises to the skies and those claiming it’s a scam. I don’t think scam would be the right word if it is in fact a crock. Scam implies someone is making money off of an untruth or trick. If it’s a crock, it’s just a crock, not a scam. No one is making money off this. Anyway, I was looking to see if other, cheap, common, oils could be used, because I have a friend in prison with all the same health issues as me. It’s actually a little uncanny how many of the same chronic illnesses we have... So I was hoping he could do it with some cheap-ass kitchen oil. Still looking fairly negatory on that.

But while I was reading a zillion different ditties about this and that, people kept mentioning tooth soap. So off I went searching that. The conclusion I arrived at was, that it sounded quite interesting and that I didn’t need to buy some fancy, new age, ginger flavoured version for 15 bucks a jar of shreds, because I already use Dr. Bronner’s Soap which is the shiznit.

If you think washing your teeth with plain soap sounds awful then you probably don’t have the issues with toothpaste I have always had. Toothpaste is awful. The taste alone is bad enough but then you add the slimy, foamy, pervasiveness it just blows. The only toothpaste I’ve ever loved is the stuff they used to polish my teeth with at the dentist when I was a kid. You can’t get that at home, cuz I’ve tried. But that was in the dark ages before the internet, maybe one could, now.

For two days now I have brushed with Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap. Yesterday was a bit crazy as i used too much and it was an insane lather freakout for a little while. Today I used one drop, then another drop, perfect. Today and yesterday the teeth are a tad whiter. Also my mouth feels generally better than usual. I don’t quite know what the difference is, maybe just less slimy and more clean. I dunno, just something about it I like.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day seventeen, eighteen, nineteen & twenty

2011-02-20T10:29:00.001-05:00

I’ve been pretty faithful up till today. But first thing today I started tasting the pulled pork I took out of the oven after baking all night. It was only a while after messing around with it that I remembered I was meant to do this, the other thing, first.
So I’ll probably skip today rather than trying to find some interlude where I haven’t eaten or drunk anything for four hours.

Still unclear if anything is getting better. I’ll have to take it on a very similar act of faith as when I started taking Co enzyme Q 10. I felt a big surge at first then it leveled off as I became accustomed to feeling better. It’s also similar to blood sugar. One gets accustomed to gradually elevating blood sugars so one doesn’t realize that it’s gone up into the three or four hundreds until you get piss or blood tested for it.

I have had funny poop for a few days. Don’t know if that is related. Yup, funny poop. Downright hilarious.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Fifteen & Sixteen

2011-02-16T11:39:00.001-05:00

No, no, no, I didn’t cheat again. I just didn’t write yesterday is all. Really, for me, only dropping two days out of sixteen is not too bad of a pace.
So I decided to take the advices of other blogs and brush first. But what that means is that I then have to wait awhile after for everything to calm down. But today I used the time to do some wiping down in the bathroom, make some Trader Joe’s pop tube cinnamon rolls for afters, and play a stupid computer game way too obsessively for way too long. Don’t know how this will all work out if I ever get a real job again. But, cross that bridge when it arises eh?
I do think I’m seeing some progress on stain elimination, even though every day I smoke, drink tea and or coffee or even, like yesterday, eat blueberries. What that means in real time is that stains are coming off the tarter. Which makes me question, is or isn’t this going to dissolve tarter at some point?

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Fourteen

2011-02-14T08:25:00.001-05:00

OK, OK, I’m back on it. Yesterday I was regaled with stories about how one (long distance) friend has had all her liver spots fade and her hair turn back to brown from grey. I haven’t seen her yet but will let you know later if I can verify this. Apparently at some point here I will smell bad for three days as well. Something about eliminating toxins no doubt. Today I just grabbed the bottle, took the swig and soldiered through, even when someone was in the bathroom when I was more than ready to spit. I just sat back down, kept swishing and started writing this.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Thirteen

2011-02-14T08:24:00.002-05:00

I didn’t do it. I resented me and felt a little shamed. But I didn’t do it.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Twelve

2011-02-14T08:24:00.001-05:00

I did it. I resented it and didn’t like it, but I did it.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Eleven

2011-02-14T08:23:00.001-05:00

I think I have to not brush my teeth immediately afterwards. But rather wait and let things calm down in there for awhile. One blog I read informed me I was to brush prior. I think I can’t do that or my gag reflex will be too activated to accomplish the task at hand.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Ten

2011-02-10T09:27:00.001-05:00

Oy vey. Had a bad morning with it today. See I have this gag reflex issue around toothpaste, teeth brushing, all that kind of thing. This is why I have really weird tooth pastes because the normal, minty, American stuff is just not on. Which is odd because I might fight you over a York Peppermint Patty.
I had tried to ignore that I swore to get back on the horse, but as I was putting on the tea water I took a swig. Twenty minutes later I was feeling a bit gaggy so I was glad for it to be over. But when I brushed my teeth all hell broke loose. You know how when you puke on a drunk it feels like your spine is knocking on your stomach? Ya, that. I had to resort to making ginger tea from tea bags which I generally do not care for. It wasn’t so bad with a large dollop of honey.
On the upside, I think I’m noticing that my hot/cold teeth sensitivity is going down. I tested it on the hot tea, not one twinge. I’ll try it on something cold if it ever stops being temperatures like 3 below outside.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Nine

2011-02-10T09:24:00.000-05:00

Yeah I blew off a day. What did it bring me? Congestion like a mofo. I won’t even skeeve you out with the grimy things that happened up in there. So I WILL wake up and do it again tomorrow. Just like I tell my addict friends, “It’s not so much about whether you slip, but what you do when you wake up the next morning”.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Eight

2011-02-08T08:31:00.000-05:00

Talk about resistance, I somehow conveniently “forgot” to post yesterday or even write a new post for today. OK I’ve gotten to the point where I am just swigging from the bottle and not measuring the time either (erring on the side of excess though). I was hungry at four in the morning so by the time it was time to do this I was all like “arrgghh I’m so hungry, let’s just get it over with.” Ok I’ve posted now. Now I have to dismember my living room for the contractor to fix the wall.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Seven

2011-02-08T08:16:00.000-05:00

I was really in resistance to this today. I woke up, fed the cats, sat around, played facebook, smoked a couple cigarettes, watched a little TV. It wasn’t until I put water on for tea that I just said “Oh all right!!! I’ll do it already.” And after all, it was only twenty minutes out of my life. So I grudgingly got it done. All I can say is this better solve some systemic health issue to make it worth it. Cuz right now it’s bugging me.
I have noticed that it may be adding a little oomph to the old alimentary system, not that I need that. That is the one thing on me that works REALLY well already.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Six

2011-02-06T09:40:00.001-05:00

So one is meant to sort of seethe the oil through ones teeth. I am beginning to wonder if I’m not being violent enough with this? Am I too lazy in this as well? I increased the quantity, I changed the physical technique a bit as I became accustomed to having a mouthful of oil to contend with. Perhaps I need to up the aggression factor.
Also, perhaps I need to google this again and check if I’m actually doing this right. I remember something about the oil should be white and frothy when you’re done. That is certainly not the result that I’m getting...

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Five

2011-02-05T08:16:00.000-05:00

Well it seems we’re in the dog days of oil pulling. One sort of resignedly and lethargically goes about it because it’s now something to just be got through.
Today I upped the ante to a tablespoon to see if something spectacular would happen. It didn’t.
But I am still enjoying breathing this easily in winter very much.
I can no longer tell with any honesty or accuracy if any teeth whitening is occurring. I still have hopes that that one front tooth that is sort of recessed and extra stained will clear A LOT!

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Four

2011-02-04T08:16:00.000-05:00

Well it’s just another sort of day. The teeth ARE getting whiter which now makes the tea and nicotine stains more noticeable.
I am enjoying breathing quite a bit. I suppose one forgets what ease is like when one has lived with discomfort at length.
The propolis has unpacked and decamped from the giant hole in my molar probably due to the extra brushing. I am curious what, if any, reaction the nerves will have with the oil pulling. Maybe it will solve the faint charnel house smell I occasionally get from dying tooth...

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Three

2011-02-03T07:40:00.001-05:00

I was told that I am doing this wrong. That I’m meant to be using a tablespoon as opposed to a teaspoon of oil. Cripes, no wonder people struggle so much with this. I’m sticking with a teaspoon for now, unless I really cease seeing any results. Cheaper that way too. Not that I’m using fancy, schmancy, organic, cold pressed oil. Just plain sesame that I buy at the Korean grocery.
Still, no more significant change in teeth whitening, but lungs and sinuses remain clearer. I seem to be smoking a little less as well. Possibly, (probably) from having to wait basically a half hour to start each day.
I also just realized that I have totally gotten out of the habit of spellcheck. Going back to edit previous entries now.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day Two

2011-02-02T06:53:00.001-05:00

The oil was still darkish when I spat it.
However the mucus drain thing did start immediately again. And one nostril is extremely clear.
Teeth only showed a tiny bit of difference. Maybe we’re down to the really hardcore, longterm stains.
Brushed afterwards with the new, herbal, Neem toothpaste. Very intense. I felt like I was having the full, subcontinent experience.
But even with less than spectacular results, if it keeps me from lighting up the minute I open my eyes, and gets me to brush my teeth and hair first thing it’s worth the price of admission.

Oil Pulling Diary: Day One

2011-02-01T08:02:00.002-05:00

I immediately started releasing mucus that ordinarily chokes me trying to express it in AM.
Teeth immediately whiter, stains cleared by at least 1/2.
20 minutes later both nostrils open and I can breath through my nose completely.
My head feels light and good. I want it to be time to do it again.
Almost 9 hours (and several cigarettes) later my nose is still much clearer than usual.

Mawwiage

2010-06-14T17:48:00.003-04:00

This is a service of marriage that I developed and then performed recently as my first time acting as officiant.

Beloved friends, I stand before you, and this couple,
______ and ______
to unite them as matrimonial partners.

_____ and ____,
you are marrying because you enjoy each others company,
and want to be together.
People partner to grow in humanity, and in love, more fully.
Partnering creates new family.
Let us all be joyous and thankful in this days new creation.

To help insure a healthy marriage,
do value each other.
Respect each others feelings, needs, and desires.
Do, be of love, a little more careful than of anything else.
Together
you will laugh and cry, be well and ill,
be happy and angry, share and grow.
You will be sharing your lives,
but do not forget that you are separate people.
Cherish and affirm your differences.

As we here are witnesses to this union, and are of your community,
it is our wish for you both, that in all areas of your lives, you will find:
mutual support, transformative love, abounding patience,
calm strength, blessed compassion, growing wisdom,
and resounding joy.

Do you ____ agree to wed _____?

(REPLY) ______, with this ring I vow to respect and nurture, you, our love and our union and agree to be wed with you.

Do you ____ agree to wed _____?

(REPLY) _____ with this ring I vow to respect and nurture, you, our love, and our union and agree to be wed with you

As ____ and ____ have agreed to wed,
and posses a valid marriage license,
by the authority vested in me by The State of Michigan,
I pronounce them to be married.

In which creeping annoyance threatens thermo-nuclear meltdown in my brain

2010-04-29T09:14:00.004-04:00

I find this idea of “soaking” the dishes to be a function of bourgeois privilege. I was challenged on this recently by the principle dish soaker hanging around my house. My rebut:

A) Lower income households (especially than us) are statistically more likely to have unresolved vermin problems which would demand immediate cleaning of things like dishes and sink areas.

B) It assumes the availability of monies to replace items ruined over the long term by repeated soakings ie: wooden or wooden handled utensils.

C) It assumes the availability of other equitable dishes to use in place of the ones not able to be used.

D) It assumes future leisure time to “get back to them”, extra space available for a temporarily nonfunctional sink, a certain laziness, and a my needs above the needs of the many, attitude.

E) It is really freaking selfish which is a characteristic one tends to associate with the bourgeois.

BOONDOCKS!!!

2010-04-25T20:57:00.001-04:00

Is probably my very favourite cartoon and comic. One of the only lights I have in my life at the moment is that season three of the cartoon is going to start one week from today. That makes life bearable when it is all so very crazy. Here’s hoping, that by next Sunday night I’ll be sitting here all alone, with Oliver chillin’ upstairs, noone squatting in my basement, and just a couple of cool cats wandering about taking care of their important cat business.

I wish Aaron McGruder would be our next house-mate...

Samsara, you’re soaking in it

2010-04-22T20:11:00.001-04:00

I am having a very difficult time personally. I also have a severely problematic situation at home. Last night the stress was so bad I only had 2 hours of sleep, only to go to work and have my client stroke out on me. I feel so very strange. I hate my life at the moment. This could mean I lose my job. Samsara is a superbitch.

“For me to poop on”

2010-04-15T08:00:00.001-04:00

I think that if I felt like I could talk about my bowels I would blog a lot more.

More J. MacD; all apropos 'n stuff

2010-04-13T14:06:00.000-04:00

“Illness is an ego trip, especially after you have started to feel a little better. You turn inward. How do I feel right now compared to five minutes ago, an hour ago, yesterday? Is this pain in my hip connected to the infection? Is it something new? Why can’t they come when I ring? All intensely personal. Petulant. To each one of us the self is the most enchanting object in all creation. Sickness intensifies the preoccupation with the self. And, of course, the true bore, the classic bore, is the person who is as totally preoccupied with himself all the time as the rest of us are when we are unwell.”
John D. MacDonald

John D. MacDonald on death

2010-04-07T12:32:00.002-04:00

"Picture a very swift torrent, a river rushing between rocky walls. There is a long shallow bar of sand and gravel that runs right down the middle of the river. It is under water. You are born and you have to stand on that narrow submerged bar, where everyone stands. The ones born before you, the ones older than you, are upriver from you. The younger ones are braced on the bar down river. And the whole long bar is slowly moving down that river of time, washing away at the upstream end and building up downstream.

Your time, and the time of all your contemporaries, schoolmates, your loves and your adversaries is that shifting bar on which you stand. And it is crowded at first. You can see the way it thins out, upstream from you. The old ones are washed away and their bodies go swiftly by, like logs in the current. Downstream where the young ones stand thick, you can see them flounder, lose footing, wash away. Always there is more room where you stand, but always the swift water grows deeper, and you can feel the shift of the sand and gravel under your feet as the river wears it away. Someone looking for a safer place can nudge you off balance, and you are gone. Someone who has stood beside you for a long time gives a forlorn cry and you reach to catch their hand, but the fingertips slide away and they are gone. There are the sounds in the rocky gorge, the roar of the water, the shifting, gritty sound of sand and gravel underfoot, the forlorn cries of despair as the nearby ones, and the ones upstream are taken by the current. Some old ones who stood on a good place, well braced, understanding currents and balance, last a long time. A Churchill, fat cigar atilt sourly amused at his own endurance and, in the end, indifferent to rivers and the rage of waters. Far downstream from you are the thin, startled cries of the ones who never got planted never got set, never quite understood the message of the torrent."

It is risen

2010-04-04T18:10:00.001-04:00

I got me a fresh sheet of virtual paper and I roll it into the carriage...

I think I’ve been sick of typing. I’ve even found it difficult to effectively do e-mail, and that is one of the few ways to reliably get ahold of me. The FaceBook, 2-3 sentences and I’m out, has been de rigeur around here.

It was a really harsh winter around La cerise de chateau, maison du fumeur de detente. So right now forsythia is like the breath of the atman made manifest on earth.

I had a really, tremendously, bad bout of infection that started just before Thanksgiving. For the most part I missed all the holidays. On Thanksgiving itself I was too sick to even walk next door. About a week of 104 fevers. Since then it’s been a long, slow, road back.

I popped into UBU’s one of the very first good days, that was a good thing, getting out, into town, having lunch. Now I have have to pop back and give him back the books I bought as well as a few additional. I find myself in the market to get rid of, in some cases sell, books. That is something I’ve never been good at at all. It feels pretty free to be in a place where I can let a book go deliberately as opposed to losing it.

I’m ready to let more things go.
I have started sorting out anything I don’t have a pretty legitimate claim on to be sent back. I’m watching the hoarders and I don’t want to be there or leave that for someone else to deal with. Keep the precious and let the chaff blow away. That’s the new mantra. There will be a porch sale this year.

Dining room ALONE cat toy round-up

2009-11-10T13:46:00.001-05:00

Thor Jones plays. Way more than the other cats. He loves throwing the meeses around. Ergo:

1 leather bracelet from Kenya
1 leather cord knotted up into ring
1 plastic spring
1 little fuzzy mouse sans tail
3 little fuzzy mice with tails
1 large fuzzy mouse sans tail
1 large fuzzy tail
3 large fuzzy mice with tails
8 paper foil balls
2 more, squished beyond redemption

What I did last weekend

2009-11-10T10:45:00.002-05:00

Pretty much starting at 8:pm on Friday night till 2p Sunday.
I neglected to foto the leg of lamb roast or the pretty lil turnips though...
Also 90 wing-dings for a baby shower, 1/2 Buffalo Style, 1/2 Teriyaki.

Whippin' those puppies up

2009-11-10T10:41:00.001-05:00

Mount Meru of dishes

2009-11-10T10:27:00.004-05:00

Before final completion stage of Operation Holy Shepherds Pie Batman There Had Better Be at Least Four Pies In Here

Shiny pot butt

Punkins '09

2009-11-01T13:24:00.001-05:00

Butter Sculpture = Impermanence

2009-10-29T22:24:00.001-04:00

JFC 49th day

Fall Tanka

2009-10-27T08:54:00.003-04:00

'09 Fall Morning Linked Tanka

Rush through Sunday’s door
into clamouring church bells
slick, sharp, wood fire smoke,
rains scent, curl into my head
chilled drops spangle wrought iron

Neon foliage
each tree standing candle like
support peachy dawn
meeting steel purple cloud bank
rainbow bisects the darkside

New Boy Meets Old Boy

2009-10-18T14:20:00.004-04:00

Jetson Artemus IV de Sprague = Grey = Old Boy
Thor Jones = Black = New Boy
ghee-LA is hiding

Maggies Organic Farm

2009-10-18T14:10:00.003-04:00

Where 2x's this

= THIS

Yesterdays jaunt

Cookin' Today

2009-10-18T14:00:00.001-04:00

Jaunting

2009-10-18T13:49:00.004-04:00

This mornings venture brought to you by The Dexter Cider Mill

2009-10-18T13:46:00.002-04:00

It's official

2009-10-08T11:39:00.000-04:00

We're adopting/rescuing Thor. So anyone who offered to chip in on his medical should get in touch. He's scheduled for next Friday.

Love for sale, for free

2009-09-25T09:08:00.003-04:00

SO, who wants to adopt this great cat that has been living on my porch swing all summer? His name is Thor, he is a really sweet, fluffy, purring lap cat who just wants love and to go to the vet on a regular basis. He's sick of fighting Zach and the big, mean, mottled grey. He's just recovering from a nasty war wound on his poor little head bone. I'd totally keep him if we were't completely pressed to the wall financially. He just wants human companionship so much!!!

I Know What I Did Last Summer IV

2009-09-25T08:46:00.002-04:00

The crowning achievement, THE NEW WALKWAY! Dali & DoubleNN found me in near tears in the middle of the dirt patch and pretty much took over.

I Know What I Did Last Summer III

2009-09-25T08:40:00.004-04:00

My new C.E.P.U (Cooking Ember Preparation Unit), because I would NEVER flaunt the law and build a firepit. It is a keyhole fireplace design with a new register grate grill.
Rock garden in progress.
Rock wall finally about done thanks to Dali.
New Swing got on a deal from the Jewel Heart yardsale
Birthday rock from El Poquito!

I Know What I Did Last Summer II

2009-09-25T08:36:00.003-04:00

Raised me a bumper crop of morning glories. Originally purple they've now decided they want pink.

I Know What I Did Last Summer I

2009-09-25T08:30:00.002-04:00

Porch Gardening

Kerrytown Book Festival

2009-09-13T09:13:00.005-04:00

Today.
Go.
Say hello to UBU on your way through.
Then come to my house for food.
I've been cooking for two days.
(OK I'm exaggerating there).
But I did decide to empty the fridge and freezer as best I could and cook up everything that one could call finger food.

The 1:34 am phone call

2009-09-12T01:47:00.003-04:00

I just received the phone call I had been expecting some time this week.
Uncle Bunny, died this morning.
James Franklin Coats
Sept 20, 1944 - Sept 12, 2009

See Ya'll Tonite!

2009-08-22T17:00:00.000-04:00

I know where I'm going...

2009-08-18T19:29:00.000-04:00

Do you?

Also...

2009-08-10T09:00:00.001-04:00

If anyone out there is paying any attention to something I’m mostly trying to keep on the DL. What I really want for my birthday is:
A pole bird feeder
Rocks
Paving stones
2 hose winders (on stakes not attach to the house kind.)

Heat wave causes brain freeze

2009-08-10T08:37:00.000-04:00

I am in the middle of writing something interesting, but yesterdays heat wave made everything come to a shuddering halt. Even the classic chocolate malt that I got to try to make myself not a stupid, bitchy, zomboid would not initially digest and just slooshed around inside me for a couple hours adding to my misery. By the time I got it relatively cool in here I was braindead.
Today I will try to write at work, where there is AC and everything is it’s own seperate entity because it’s not stuck together with hot moisture and where I can be soothed by cool, papery whispers, of air tendrils.

Temporary blissitude

2009-08-08T14:30:00.000-04:00

House all to my self (bar cats). Music on the big stereo. Cookin’ and mucking. Full up with Indian food. Cool, lovely rain. Head wet from same. Grumbly thundering. Ahhh.

1st Floor Cat Toy Roundup

2009-08-08T09:23:00.000-04:00

1 - Wool Bone
1 - Light-up koosh ball
1 - Cat brush (alternate)
1 - Milk jug cap
1 - Former grape now 1/2 way to raisin
3 - Marbles
3 - Large super balls
8 - Small super balls
27 & 1/2 - Foil balls

Werewolves of Camden

2009-08-07T08:55:00.000-04:00

OK, everybody knows a werewolf can be killed with a silver knife or bullet. But what about silver-plate? I mean how many people do you know who have a solid silver knife just hanging around? But almost everybody has some pitted up, crappy old silver-plated silverware in the kitchen junk drawer. If silver-plate would do, could you even just thunk him with a spoon?
And if that works then why couldn’t I just triumphantly toss the silver unicorn necklace I got for my thirteenth birthday over his head? Or pop him in the third eye with that giant clunker of a silver and turquoise ring from 1974?
Where would one go to find these things out ahead of time?
Because I certainly don’t want my corpse to be discovered wearing that shit, with a tarnished, ten cent, yard sale, spoon in my hand.

TG?

2009-07-21T08:29:00.000-04:00

Zombie Blogs

2009-07-14T10:56:00.000-04:00

It appears I AM willing to say the incantations necessary to raise blogs from the dead. The double secret blog has been resurrected. This here one is doing well on life support. I am sleeping with the Necronomicon under my pillow and JuJu is dangling delicately in the breeze.

AM Earworm

2009-07-14T07:36:00.001-04:00

Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire - Jimi Hendrix

AM Earworm

2009-07-13T08:32:00.001-04:00

Rappers Delight - The Sugarhill Gang
Oddly changing, over the first half hour of awakitude, into
Nuages, then to Bolero D’Jango - D’Jango Rheinhart
From the ridiculous to the sublime.

Mo' Meme-in'

2009-07-10T23:06:00.004-04:00

Firsts

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? What is this “prom” you speak of?

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? First off, I was like 3 the first time I was in love. Secondly it was probably my 19 year old, motorcycle riding, cousin. Thirdly he drank himself to death... Oh yeah that poem one entry down is about him so I guess I talk to him, he just doesn't answer.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? Genesee Beer

4. What was your FIRST job? Cleaning the bathroom for a quarter

5. What was your FIRST car? 1977 Ford Maverick, steel gray exterior, black interior

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? I don't do “text”

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Rick Moranis

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Mrs. Decker

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Ithaca to Buffalo? Ithaca to Seattle? One of those probably.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk? Tadpole Morris. Haven’t seen him in the flesh since 1970. Looked at pix of him on classmates about 6 months ago.

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over? Kristin Hammond's or Kris Robinson's? No, probably Julie Connelly.

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Jetson if cats count, Oliver if not.

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? Only been in one aside from my own, Julia’s wedding from hell. Will possibly never submit to that ever again.

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Groused at the cat

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? 1974 -5ish John Denver @ Chrisler Arena

16. FIRST tattoo? Tiny, 2x2, black & gray, piece of flash on upper R arm

17. FIRST piercing? Ears, the old fashioned way - solid needle at the Dr’s. office

18. FIRST foreign country you've been to? Canada

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing? Run Appaloosa Run or Swiss Family Robinson

20. When was your FIRST detention? Skool or legal?

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? New York

22. Who was your FIRST roommate? Do lovers count? James Thomas

23. If you had one wish, what would it be? Health

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance? Patience

25. Who do you think will be the next person to post this? Millions of lame nerds like me

Hey Danny Boyoyo redux

2009-07-10T09:01:00.003-04:00

The problem with publishing my poetry here is that it changes.
It's been close to two years since I first put this up. Now it's different, possibly better. I hope the link (in the title) actually works. It's my first time trying this...

AM earworm

2009-07-10T08:51:00.000-04:00

And Suddenly Seymour - The Little Shop of Horrors Soundtrack

What a great bunch of songs that is/was. Highly under appreciated. Except by the writers on Family Guy.

Antiques

2009-07-10T08:47:00.000-04:00

TheOldGent that I work for popped out with this while we sat on the patio watching the local flora & fauna:

“A bluebird flew into the barber shop
It crapped on the razor
and it crapped on the strop
It would’a crapped on me
but I run too fast”

I asked him if that was from when he was a kid? He confirmed. That puts it at about 1930. Who says they weren’t bold, daring and innovative in them olden days?

Now we are 4

2009-07-04T23:33:00.001-04:00

Today is the anniversary of this here beast. I get a fresh page too. (I start a new word-processing document every three months). Perhaps that will help the clean slate and reflecting process.

I have learned some serious stuff since I blithely jumped on the blog bandwagon. If anyone here recalls, I hadn’t even started college yet waaaay back then. As well as that I have been through a gamut of emotional, physical, personal, personnel, job, and psychological changes in these four years. I can safely assert, quite strenuously, that I am really not the same person I was then. Except for the part where I am even the same person as I was when I was seven. As evidenced by a linked haiku I wrote then called “Haikus of War and Pollution”. Of course it wasn’t technically haiku but the point is still apparent.

I could go into great depth about the strange and frequently painful growth and change I’ve been through lately, but instead I guess I should speak on my current relationship to this space. I’m really struggling with keeping this going. I guess I have learned that I am not as interested in transparency as I once thought I was. It really only took one snarky ass to precipitate major rearmament. I am a person without skin. This attempt to lay aside some of the layers of collected hides has been difficult. Really difficult. Forget “if you prick me do I not bleed”, I’m a constant oozer.

I don’t know where we’re going now. I am trying to find the right level of opacity in the bandages I’m applying. Maybe not so much wanton displaying of the ragged, gaping, wounds. Some prodding of sores but perhaps not open-heart surgery. Laudable pus is desirable, lately I’ve been festering, and there’s a detectable whiff of rot.

AM earworm

2009-06-23T08:18:00.000-04:00

Papa Love’s Mambo - The Stella Magdalen Earworm Orchestra

Smoke smoke revolution

2009-06-23T08:11:00.003-04:00

We’re back on one of my favourite subjects. Tobacco. Now at this juncture I’ve been down to about six to eight cigarettes a day. I don’t want to hear all this “good for you” and “that’s great” twaddle either. It’s bad enough having to listen to it from the various doctors and such. It wasn’t through choice and there is nothing so very great about it except the amount of money I’m saving. Roll your owns that are not my beloved Export A’s just makes the whole thing a thousand times less fun, and that’s just all of that.

But the real revolution around here is that Oliver quit smoking a week ago. He just went from thirty to zero in three days. I guess that that is a really good use for that stubborn streak of his. The one where I’ve learned that once he says no that there is just no point in arguing, wheedling or whining at all. It’s just done.

During the week I collected and washed every ashtray in the house. I put quite a few away. The ones that are still out get emptied and washed a lot more frequently. They are tending to be the ones that are works of art in themselves. I love funky, cool ashtrays. Remember the days when they were everywhere? A lost, fucking art. Well, I’ve got mine and I’ll never give them up. Pry ‘em out of my cold, dead hands you fucking smoking nazi’s!

More po-try

2009-06-23T07:47:00.001-04:00

True To Life

Feed the cats
Feed the plants
Feed the people

Feed some different people

Feed the people
Feed the cats

Feed some different people

Pick some plants
Feed the people
Feed the cats

Rinse
Repeat

I learned something today

2009-06-07T11:28:00.001-04:00

Watching “Coronation Street” gives me major anxiety. 94% of the characters are criminally stupid or sociopathic or completely self involved and self indulgent. Waiting to see the results of the completely bad behavior is a total car crash. So what? Am I supposed to take a pill just to watch my favourite show? No, that would be also criminally stupid. The alternative? Do I have to quit my (relatively harmless) Sunday indulgence as well as so many other favourite activities? Feh. Double feh.

AM Earworm

2009-06-03T08:17:00.001-04:00

And going even further back....
Happy Heart - Andy Williams
doing a mashup with
Fly Me To The Moon - The Stella Magdalen Earworm Orchestra

AM earworm

2009-06-02T09:05:00.000-04:00

Before The Next Teardrop Falls - Freddie Fender
I don’t care what anybody says I like Freddie Fender! He was probably a big influence on my love of Tejano now. You go Freddie! Invade my dream anytime.

AM Earworm

2009-06-01T08:16:00.002-04:00

Vibrator Dependent - Mojo Nixon
("She's vibrator dependant
Don't want me in it
Says I don'tmake the right noise")
Unfortunately Living On a Prayer keeps sneaking in and through as well.

I have been thinking about Mojo quite a bit for about two weeks now. I even went so far as to Wiki him last week. Skid Roper as well. I feel like something is up with him. Maybe he will stop promoting/imbibing alcohol as much and return to his mushroom maniac roots and make a comeback. When I licked him, (yeah you heard me) he was still the old Mojo. Later when I saw him again I was dismayed at his whole set being an ad for booze. Too much playing for the college crowd I suspect. I had no more desire to lick him 'cause when booze comes through the skin, it’s HORRIBLE!

Perfectly hideous earworm

2009-05-29T08:25:00.001-04:00

Boom Boom Out Go The Lights - Pat Travers Band

First of all, who the hell is Pat Travers anyway?

Secondly, some old blues songs just aren’t right, and covering them in any serious way does not make you awesome but rather a newly hatched dinosaur. Even the completely cool Nick Cave should have left off “Black Betty” from “Kicking Against the Pricks”.

Thirdly, why? Why did my subconcious decide to dredge up this abortion? Sometimes I think I’ve been saddled with the crocodile brain of a sixteen year old bomb dude from 1979.

AM Earworm

2009-05-26T08:12:00.000-04:00

Bam pow, right there the minute I woke up. But can anyone fill in the missing line?

The late 60’s Good-n-Plenty jingle - The Stella Magdalen Earworm Orchestra

Choo-Choo Charlie was an engineer
____________________________
He had an engine and he sure had fun
He used Good-n-Plenty candy to make his train run
Good-n-Plenty, Good-n-Plenty, Good-n-Plenty

Dream

2009-05-24T08:06:00.001-04:00

Masturbating on the side of a public road by pouring wheat kernels over my junk. This was meant to divine whether I was a good Bolshevik. Apparently I’m a GREAT Bolshevik.

AM Earworm

2009-05-20T08:16:00.001-04:00

e.g. E.G.O. - The Grantchester Question