Fresh

Good Lord, I woke up at 5:14 this am. It obviously must be due to my overweening excitement about house cleaning

So I have been perusing a lot of the end of year summaries. Not the ones on the news and all that media culture stuff, but the ones on personal blogs. Interesting stuff, though more than a few people either seemed depressed or stated out right that they were depressed. This strikes me as a damn shame. Instead of finding real cures for depression and other mental and social ills we’re co-creating a world where sensitive people cannot find surcease from the attack on their senses due to the sheer fuckitude of the Thanotosers and their nefarious plans. I really feel for those who are feeling helpless, hopeless. I’ve spent an awful lot of time on that island.
But the weird thing is that more than once recently, I’ve sort of looked up and around and said to myself, somethings really different, what’s going on? And the thing I notice is, depression - not so much.
It’s a little freaky, my lifelong companion just slipping away bit by bit. It’s not done or gone, but I seem to be having far more appropriate responses to stuff that would previously have caused me to just want to stick a fork in my forehead. Experiencing legitimate feelings of outrage, sorrow, frustration, fear, annoyance. and general, all around, snarkiness and crankiness. Just sitting with them and not trying to suppress or ignore them. I suspect this helps.

But insofar as the apparently traditional year end roundup and review-
This has been a completely freaky year. Just short of twelve months ago I was in the hospital with bag after bag of super drugs being pumped through my veins.
I realized at that point that I was just fucked. That I had to come up with a new plan. So I quit my job. Well, what I did was give notice. It wasn’t till October that I actually completely extricated myself. The pain and discomfort of standing at a counter for another retail season was just too much to conceive.

By then I had already put into effect the new plan, go to school. So far, so goodish. The weird part was that I took some really serious flying leaps, and stuff, for the most part, just fell into place. I really did not expect there to be a relatively soft landing. I thought that as usual I would end up all shaken and contused and have to just battle through and get ferocious and throw tantrums and such.
I think I gotta give credit to several specific people in my circle for a big chunk of that soft part. I’m betting you know who you are.

In so many ways, in the external world, things are just at a veritable peak of suckitude. But I’m supposing it’s all cyclical, I mean it can’t have been much fun at the peak of the plague, the various inquisitions and the crusades. That must also have felt like a long dark night of the soul. But the humans survived and the renaissance came. Progress intellectual, moral and physical was made. I suspect we are not worn out yet. Just a little damn tired.