Fessin’ up

Ok. All right. Ok then.
I have been deep in the throes of a great, sticky, vast ball of stuckness. I am not all the way out of it but real progress is being made.

I think I have learned something about the nature of my issues if that’s any consolation to me. I have been able to separate the components of the breakdowns in general. This has given me a better handle on what the underlying causes of the general malaise's are.

I had always thought the main issue was depression. I now realize that before depression comes too high a level of anxiety. I have a definite X factor. I can handle up to such and such a level. But if it goes over that, I start to breakdown and things start to slide and a downward spiral begins. Then after that comes the depression.

So now I know, that if I were to choose medication as a tool, that an anti-anxiety as opposed to an antidepressant might be more efficacious.

In the meantime, part of what has helped was:

Being forced to do a bunch of house cleaning and rearranging due to having a new temporary house mate in the process of moving in.

Sending to the A2 Thrift Shop, 14 bags and 2 boxes of clothes, shoes and purses that have been clogging the basement (and my psyche) from an ill-fated business venture with Largebeat 2 years ago.

I actually managed to successfully complete both my FAFSA and my scholarship application in the very nick of time, and by the skin of my teeth. I cannot tell you how that felt to have confirmation of my submission this morning. I was so relieved, I felt queasy.

Last night, having done myself proud at having my first lovely BBQ of the season. In honour of the lovely Nigel Patel (what a nice guy he is). It was swell. Uncle Bunny was the other invited guest, and adding to the loveliness were drop-ins by Dali Madison, WoodwindsWoman, and Psyche.

I was actually ready (other than last minute things) 2 hours early. Which meant I could take a long, relaxing shower after cleaning and cooking all morning. And be cheerful, relaxed and ready, as opposed to harried, grouchy and skunky.

Menu please:
• Corn chips with fresh quac, salsa and sour cream
• The ubiquitous teriyaki flank steak (Knights Market)
• Ribs (Knights Market)
• Amish chicken thighs (Knights Market)
• A burger (for Oliver, Knights Market)
• Super white girl potato salad (my best this year yet!)
• Homemade baked beans (I added cinnamon, which I loved and Oliver hated)
• Fresh, excellent, corn on the cob (Knights Market)
• Watermelon for afters

As well as Uncle Bunny and I enjoyed a few stimulants, which included a demitasse of Cafe’ con Leche with that foo-foo coffee sugar that begins with a d that I can’t ever remember the name of.

Then I ran some potato salad over to Uncle Bill whose been poorly for quite some time. He loves good old, Mom style, comfort food when I make it. Thus I was able to report to Lizardbreath that he seemed relatively sprightly given his circumstances.

So now it’s time to attempt to make more progress, maybe actually pay the bills, get the long distance turned back on, get an electrician in here to fix the knob and tube, and get an estimate on a new roof.

Oh, and be prepared for millions of pictures of lilys as they are about to start going nuts.