10 pontifications meme

1) Ladies, I have to tell you that you are not helping the cause when I see you in disproportionate numbers doing really stupid crap while driving. Especially when most of you I see doing these things are on cell phones. But the guy who honked aggressively at the car in front of him for making a right turn takes the freaking jerk cake.

2) All relationships end one way or the other. So if you are in a stupid or bad one just get out already. Yes it is true that we frequently give up too easily, acting like furtive transients. But it is equally true that some horrific christian ethos about sex and marriage poison lives by socially guilting people into “trying to work it out” because it’s somehow “owed” to some evanescent artificial moral construct.
If you are calling each other names, cursing each other, feeling actual hatred, either fix it or quit it already.

3) Why would you swim in the ocean? You might as well walk into the forest, bush or rain forest naked and weapon-less. There is almost no coastline on this continent where there are not sharks. And, they say that sharks are coming inland in rivers as well. Bull sharks in the warm areas and Greenland sharks in the Saint Lawrence Seaway. A great white was killing people in a river in Matawan Jersey in the early 1900’s. And that’s just sharks.

4) Are you over 18? Then stop bitching, whining and blaming your parents. Most of them did the best they could or they would have done better. Most of them were both fucked up and fabulous. Talk about the one percenters, that is like the people who had awesome parents. Also in a fairly small percentage are people who have completely fucked parents. I know some of those people, and you neurotics who writhe at the idea of taking personal responsibility have no idea how bad those people actually had it and you are actually wrongfully encroaching on their justified pain.

5) What is it with alcohol? What a cheap, lousy drug to waste that much time on. Talk about your opiate of the masses. Even the highest quality of it is worse than actual good drugs. Some alcohol is fine. I enjoy the occasional getting stupid session myself. But God, give it a rest sometimes. Do you need really need it at the level you are using it? And stop giving me the ol’ fisheye when you’re drunk (a lot) and I’m not.

6) And while we’re on the subject, when we were kids we were foolishly trying to become more sophisticated not more lowest common denominator. Whatever happened to the days of drinking potato vodka, chartreuse and smoking gauloises’. Trying to be artistes. Now it’s PBR, chewing tobacco and beer pong. Trying to be extreme cage fighters. We were trying to extract the cracker not roll in it like breading. Although I have to admit that a cracker breading is perfect for fried oysters, but that’s about it.

7) We don’t buy the “miracle of birth” trip. When every living thing does it, It seems more miraculous to be able to avoid it.

8) I am also not buying the idea that no two snowflakes are ever alike. I could believe that no two humans, other than identical twins, are alike. You are dealing with zillions of permutations of DNA. It is seemingly possible to get no matches. But if you think of how many times it has snowed on this planet since the beginning of time, then of how many snowflakes are in a single snowstorm and the fact that we are dealing with crystalline structures which have some basic parameters and also potentially identical or similar weather conditions many, many, many times, why wouldn’t there easily be identical flakes?

9) I don’t want to hear about how you are too cool for TV. What is that about? I totally get the philosophy of limiting and controlling your children's exposure to it. I heartily approve of that. But if you are making a big point of announcing that you don’t “do” TV because you are too sophisticated then you are trying to prove something that isn’t likely to be true. I can’t help but notice that many of of my friends who are extra loud about this are people who, if you turn on a TV around them, get completely mesmerized. They can’t look away or hear the other conversations going on at the same time.

10) I hate the expression once a (blank - insert pejorative name calling) always a (blank). This is so prevalent and it is completely false. Change is one thing we have proven humans absolutely can do. But apparently people do have a really hard time with ambiguity. They should just learn to live with it.