Oh just kiss my holly, jolly butt

I have no patience. That is pretty clearly established. It manifests differently now. But all this Xmas talk has brought up (as usual) some old stuff.

Advent calendars. I used to beg for one every year. My Mom would give in even though that wasn’t her style at all. I’d get it and do pretty well for a couple days and then ZAM I go crazy and open all the little windows. Then I’d try to close them up in such a way that no one could tell they had been opened. It didn’t really work out that way though.

Then there was a really bad Xmas. I’m maybe 9 maybe 10. My parents went to England for vacation for 2 weeks just prior . I was left with this liverwurst sandwich eating, baby sitting, grad student, his girlfriend and her bratty kid. Janice Fink, I’ll never forget you. I’m sure you’re a perfectly lovely woman now, but at that time you were like some Harriet The Spy character bane of my existence.

So this kid was my age or a year younger, I had to share my room with her, I had to share the TV with her and she loved Lucy. I don’t love Lucy. Never have, never will. I loved (literally) Hogan’s Heroes. I didn’t really get the Bob Crane itch but I had it bad for all the rest. Richard Dawson’s accent. Ivan Dixon’s velvety blackness, intelligence and that smile. That gorpy dude’s skinny gorpiness. Even Lebaeu’s accent every now and then. I can definitely see why certain Trinidadians and Nigerians had me giddy for awhile when I was around 18.
They were sort of all of that rolled into one. Skinny, accented, velvety, smiling gorps that most of them were. Ahh, but I deliciously digress.

Anyway I’m pissed, bored, and impatient when I discover that The ‘Rent’s had done all the Xmas shopping before they left. Wrapped everything and put it in their giant closet. I fret over it maybe a day or 2. Before I open every single present for me and then rewrap them all. Here is my lifelong lesson learned. If you’re going to do crime don’t have a partner. She ratted me out almost immediately on my parents return.

Oh, did the roof cave in. All those presents went away, where? I’ve never known.
And the sibs gave me a really hard time about it for months. I’ve hated that kid ever since.