That damn cat!

She gave me a freaking heart attack again yesterday after she puked up something so completely freakish that I assumed her next move would be to keel over and die.
Frantic phone call to the vet. Who kept saying,
“it’s something she ate”
I told her we positively hadn’t fed her anything, the sheer volume was insane and she couldn’t have gotten into anything, as I was standing in the kitchen and definitely nothing was disturbed.
As I was pacing around, I suddenly spied in the dining room, (drum roll please) a neatly opened bag of Eukanuba dog food hidden under a chair.
We are talking about a factory sealed bag which she just casually opened as if she had opposable digits. Then wolfed down a cup of without chewing.

There is a story where my neighbor once called me and said
”Stella, why is there a picked clean chicken carcass in the middle of my dining room floor that used to be in my garbage?”
I replied “ Wuh, wuh, why are ya askin’ me?”
“Because of your cat”
My feeble protest “But she’s right here with me, wait, hang on, I’m coming over”
So I walk next door, the suspect walking out with me.

Next door I am faced with a perfect little carcass, just as he said.
So I attempt to explain that while the evidence does seemingly indicate some critter of some kind, I just couldn’t possibly see how my little Hosha could have been the culprit.
When all of a sudden, she casually trips on down his stairs, all fa la la, walks over, jumps on the counter and looks down into the trash bin.

Turns out she had climbed onto his second story roof, cat burgled the bathroom screen and let herself in and then out, without leaving any other traces other than the obvious.