Samsara, you’re soaking in it

I am having a very difficult time personally. I also have a severely problematic situation at home. Last night the stress was so bad I only had 2 hours of sleep, only to go to work and have my client stroke out on me. I feel so very strange. I hate my life at the moment. This could mean I lose my job. Samsara is a superbitch.

It ain't Burroughs but....

“Suddenly I felt bleak, oddly depressed. It took a moment for me to realize that one of Meyer’s recent lectures on international standards of living was all too well remembered.”

“... so divide everything into two hundred million equal parts . Everything in this country that is fabricated. Steel mills, speedboats, cross country power lines, scalpels, watch bands, fish rods, ski poles, plywood, storage batteries, everything. Break it down into basic raw materials and then compute the power requirements and the fossil fuels needed to make everybody’s share in this country. Know what happens if you apply that formula to all the peoples of all the other nations of the world?”
“You come up with a bleak fact Travis. There is not enough material on and in the planet to ever give them what we’re used to. The emerging nations are not going to emerge - not into our pattern at least. Not ever. We’ve hogged it all. Technology won’t come up with a way to crowd the Yangtze River with (sleek, high powered speedboats).
“It was OK Travis, when the world couldn’t see us consuming and consuming. Or hear us. Or taste some of our wares. But communication by cinema, satellite, radio, television tape, these have been like a light coming on slowly, being turned up like a rheostat control in a dark cellar where all of mankind used to live. Now it is blinding bright, cruelly bright. And they can all look over into our corner and see us gorging ourselves and playing with our bright pretty toys. And so they want theirs now. Just like ours, God help them. And what is the only thing we can say? ‘Sorry, You’re a little too late. We used it all up all except what we need to keep our toys in repair and running and to replace them when they wear out. Sorry, but that’s the way it is.’ What comes after that? Barbarism, an interregnum, a new dark ages, and another start a a thousand years from now with a few million people on the planet? Our myth has been that our standard of living would become available to all the peoples of the world. Myths wear thin. We have a visceral appreciation of the truth. That truth, which we don’t dare announce to the world, is what gives us the guilt and shame and the despair. Nobody in the world will ever live as well materially, as we once did. And now as our materialism begins to sicken us, it is precisely what the emerging nations want for themselves. And can never have. Brazil might manage it. But no one else.”
John MacDonald “The Scarlet Ruse” 1973

Oh happy, happy XMAS.

Bus ride blogging

I think I have figured out why I have been a complete wreck, for months, about this election. I’m thinking it has taken the weight of the oppression beginning to lift off to get some clear vision about it.

Call me paranoid or cynical or even nihilistic (the latter of which I would aver strongly) but I have been living under the apprehension and conviction that at any moment, jackbooted thugs (or as Nigel points out, innocuous looking, civilian dressed, death squads) could potentially come kicking my door down and I could just “disappear” merely for thought crimes, for just being who I am.

One might think that perhaps I shouldn’t read books like “1984” or “The Handmaids Tale” or magazines like “The Objectivist” because apparently, even more so than when I saw “Night Of The Living Dead” unedited, at night, at a theatre when I was 10 or 11, and then had nightmares about it for like, 15 years, these socially apocalyptic books apparently have infiltrated my thought stream on the very subtlest of levels and work around in my gizzards when I don’t even realize they are festering so deeply.

In my pamphlet I’ve been working on, about proverbs and lies, one of the first lies I wrote down was “people don’t just disappear”. Because they do, indeed, just disappear ALL THE TIME. It just happens a lot less here than in say, Brazil or Darfur or China. And I think the likelihood of it happening here was increasing every year that the warlock/criminals calling themselves Republicans were in power. Another lie which Frank Zappa reminded us not to believe was “it can’t happen here”.
So, I really hope that with all the flowers and unicorns and sunshine everyone is grooving on (which I don’t blame anyone, it does feel really good at the moment), that we all brace ourselves to do the work, to try to accomplish what needs to be done to try and make this a country where at least it happens here less often.