Sunday Morning Subtle But Obvious Organized Self Abuse Swim Club

I have a lot of memories, I seem to not be able to shut up the monkey mind, I over analyze. I now get to do all that while learning to type.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Perfectly hideous earworm

Boom Boom Out Go The Lights - Pat Travers Band

First of all, who the hell is Pat Travers anyway?

Secondly, some old blues songs just aren’t right, and covering them in any serious way does not make you awesome but rather a newly hatched dinosaur. Even the completely cool Nick Cave should have left off “Black Betty” from “Kicking Against the Pricks”.

Thirdly, why? Why did my subconcious decide to dredge up this abortion? Sometimes I think I’ve been saddled with the crocodile brain of a sixteen year old bomb dude from 1979.

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

AM Earworm

Bam pow, right there the minute I woke up. But can anyone fill in the missing line?

The late 60’s Good-n-Plenty jingle - The Stella Magdalen Earworm Orchestra

Choo-Choo Charlie was an engineer
____________________________
He had an engine and he sure had fun
He used Good-n-Plenty candy to make his train run
Good-n-Plenty, Good-n-Plenty, Good-n-Plenty

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Dream

Masturbating on the side of a public road by pouring wheat kernels over my junk. This was meant to divine whether I was a good Bolshevik. Apparently I’m a GREAT Bolshevik.

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

AM Earworm

e.g. E.G.O. - The Grantchester Question

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Thursday, May 14, 2009

On not going tharn

Decisions have been made and plans are being enacted. The great year long experiment of trying psych meds is over. I quit.

Well, to be scrupulously honest, I am quitting the systemic Buproprion and keeping the as needed Ativan. I have designed my step down program (and was told I was being too meticulous and to hasten) to get it out of my system. I will be done in fourteen days or less. (As opposed to the twenty-one days or more I had proposed).

So in future, while I still may be snotty, I will have the opportunity to experience other emotions as well. Which is all “hurrah for me”, as having a totally flat affect except for anger and anxiety was really, really, harshing my mellow, cramping my style, and all those other, turd in the punchbowl, type euphemisms, analogies and metaphors.

Now to be again, perfectly honest, I am being encouraged to try a different approach once my system has cleared out and normalized. Cymbalta was suggested. I have to admit that those commercials give me the green envies. All that “depression hurts” (yes, yes it does,) “Cymbalta can help” (Oh really? Ya promise?) does tweak my “I wish this was just fixed already, deep down, Stepford is bliss, can’t this be simplified so I can just do my bills like a normal person” jones.

I am however, taking a wait and see approach. Because as much as I am terrified of withdrawal from this fairly innocuous script, I am really terrified of SSRI’s. There are few things worse than coming down and/or withdrawal. It just takes all the fun out of drugs.

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Monday, May 11, 2009

AM Earworm

Live With Me - The Rolling Stones
Particularly the nasty habits, tea at three, hanging meat up for a week and “you’d look good pram pushing down the high street” parts.

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

By Stella's mom*

Mothers Day

I

Her belly swelling, growing
responding without volition
giving, always giving
her life’s substance.
Her breasts, too, swell
flowing with milk
on demand.
Love and pride rise
with the yeast of the child.
Her mind and heart expand.

So much to learn

recognizing a rubella rash
treating scraped knees and bloody noses
why the sky is blue,
the floor colder than the rug
rituals for burying dead turtles
words to ease the pain
when invitations fail to appear
new math, computer spreadsheets
nuances of funky fashion
pantomime communication
when ears are Walkman plugged
turning apron strings into elastic bands.

A mothers mind and heart
may be more crowded than a pregnant belly.
Still the possibility of growth
quickened by her children
and their children
is not lost.

II

She had survived one more
disappointing Mothers day
too much food, unwanted gifts
her children drinking and smoking
speech like knives
stabbing and cutting each other.
But it was the day after Mothers day
which was circled on her calendar.
The day she secretly anticipated all winter long
when it was safe to assume
all danger of frost was past
and she could move her infants
out of their protected nursery.
Since first implanting the tiny seeds
in the fertile growing medium
she had nurtured them
lovingly controlling their environment.
Wearing her prettiest flowered dress
she carried the flat of tomato seedlings
to the garden. Her trowel,
bent and scratched scooped out holes.
She gave each plant a drink
of nourishing transplant solution
dressed it in a pleated white bonnet
for protection from the sun.
Last years crop had failed
to produce the bounteous harvest
she expected as a fitting reward
for months of devotion
but her special, private Mothers day
had come again
bringing another chance for offspring
who might develop
in a way that would make her proud
to be their mother.





*I'm not saying it's good or bad art. Just that this was some of my (dead) mom's art.

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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

AM earworms

You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away - The Beatles
I was contemplating what it must have felt like to be John Lennon when the news about Helter Skelter came out....

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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Sweating the small stuff keeps me sane

I can’t decide whether I love celery seed or not so much. I keep putting it in coleslaw because in the old days, when Chris owned the Fleetwood, that’s what they did. Though I loved it some days and was disturbed by it on others, I do it myself now because it seems fitting.

I get disturbed by it because the taste is just, so, very, particular. I use it in chicken soup almost invariably. When it is cooked and softened it is not so whelming. I just spent ten minutes staring at the jar in my hand, trying to decide whether to put it in a tuna macaroni salad. In the end I decided to go with twice as much radish instead.

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Wasted just wasted

Youth can be a really tremendous time. I f you do it right you can have an insane amount of fun with nary a jot of consideration for what a huge asshole you’re being. Regret? Oh please. Save that for all those long days ahead when you have nothing joyful to think about.

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