Potty Mouth

I am become more and more convinced that the driving force in all societies pretty much boils down to who cleans the toilets and why. And as far as I can see most of modern culture has been a concerted effort by white men to yell “not it!” I used to think social order was pretty much driven by access to pussy but this theory has a correlation in that prime pussy is rarely found in the company of janitors.

Since it has been increasingly difficult to force minorities, women and subjugated cultures to do the deed I’ve noticed a new trend, which is to train “the mentally deficient” into this position. While on the one hand I think it’s great to provide job training for the developmentally disabled or persons with severe mental illnesses, I have issues with assuming that the scut work of society is the perfect niche from which they can can contribute. It’s a bit too “Brave New World” to feel really comfortable.

No one wants to be the “it” in this situation. So in the vein of “if they can put a man on the moon...”
If they can invent a self cleaning oven, why can’t they invent a self cleaning toilet?

BOONDOCKS!!!

Is probably my very favourite cartoon and comic. One of the only lights I have in my life at the moment is that season three of the cartoon is going to start one week from today. That makes life bearable when it is all so very crazy. Here’s hoping, that by next Sunday night I’ll be sitting here all alone, with Oliver chillin’ upstairs, noone squatting in my basement, and just a couple of cool cats wandering about taking care of their important cat business.

I wish Aaron McGruder would be our next house-mate...

I'm a jelly do-nut

I saw the “Do-re-mi train station” video. I started to cry uncontrollably. I am such a puss.

It ain't Burroughs but....

“Suddenly I felt bleak, oddly depressed. It took a moment for me to realize that one of Meyer’s recent lectures on international standards of living was all too well remembered.”

“... so divide everything into two hundred million equal parts . Everything in this country that is fabricated. Steel mills, speedboats, cross country power lines, scalpels, watch bands, fish rods, ski poles, plywood, storage batteries, everything. Break it down into basic raw materials and then compute the power requirements and the fossil fuels needed to make everybody’s share in this country. Know what happens if you apply that formula to all the peoples of all the other nations of the world?”
“You come up with a bleak fact Travis. There is not enough material on and in the planet to ever give them what we’re used to. The emerging nations are not going to emerge - not into our pattern at least. Not ever. We’ve hogged it all. Technology won’t come up with a way to crowd the Yangtze River with (sleek, high powered speedboats).
“It was OK Travis, when the world couldn’t see us consuming and consuming. Or hear us. Or taste some of our wares. But communication by cinema, satellite, radio, television tape, these have been like a light coming on slowly, being turned up like a rheostat control in a dark cellar where all of mankind used to live. Now it is blinding bright, cruelly bright. And they can all look over into our corner and see us gorging ourselves and playing with our bright pretty toys. And so they want theirs now. Just like ours, God help them. And what is the only thing we can say? ‘Sorry, You’re a little too late. We used it all up all except what we need to keep our toys in repair and running and to replace them when they wear out. Sorry, but that’s the way it is.’ What comes after that? Barbarism, an interregnum, a new dark ages, and another start a a thousand years from now with a few million people on the planet? Our myth has been that our standard of living would become available to all the peoples of the world. Myths wear thin. We have a visceral appreciation of the truth. That truth, which we don’t dare announce to the world, is what gives us the guilt and shame and the despair. Nobody in the world will ever live as well materially, as we once did. And now as our materialism begins to sicken us, it is precisely what the emerging nations want for themselves. And can never have. Brazil might manage it. But no one else.”
John MacDonald “The Scarlet Ruse” 1973

Oh happy, happy XMAS.

Whoops

Did anyone else notice that all things Google just died for something like 15 minutes to a half an hour?

Triumph of the fat girl

“Oh my god aren’t you freezing?”
“Are you going out like that?”
“It’s so cold in here, aren’t you cold?”
“You’re kidding. You’re walking home in a sweater?”
“arrrgghh I’m fucking freezing.”
“hurry up and get the door open”
“Don’t you think we should let the car warm up for awhile?”

Or as Mom used to say - “put a sweater on, I’m cold”

To which I say “HA bitches, just wait till the food runs out too”.

The revolution will not:

Look like YOU think it should or
Judge itself by your standards
Play that mutual masturbation, ego, game you and your friends love so well
Fail without your innovative ideas
Have you for it’s great and glorious leader
Even acknowledge your genius
Define itself by group think
Need a new age guru or psychic consultant to tell it what to do
Get it’s sustenance from granola, seitan, unicorns and crystals
Have a seminar or workshop
Want a full body massage to prep it
Need a liver cleanse and high colonics after
Create space and respect your boundaries
Limit itself to what you can handle
Wait while you grab your bottle of Rescue Remedy
Hold hands and sing Kumbayah
Chat you up without trying to fuck you
Conduct itself according to Kathleen Hannah’s criteria
Act like a well orchestrated event/march/picket
Hire some good PR then
Watch to see how much press it got
Be a duly photographed, and filed away moment,
Happening only at a location near you.
Remain smoke free
Be neat and tidy
Magically fix your life
Acknowledge your charitable contributions
Keep your children from turning on you
Teach tolerance
Stay “safe and sane”
Prescribe you vicodine for your existential pain and mid-life angst
Refrain from hurting your feelings or offending your sensibilities
Realize it’s the weekend and stop calling
Open a center, anywhere
Allow you to “have it your way”
Brand itself for distribution at your nearest Stop-n-Shop
Stay off your lawn
Leave you alone
Do you any special favours
Tell you your dog is cute
Wash your dishes for you
Get you a tax write off
Just “let it go”