You fellas prolly just won’t give a damn about this one.

I’ve changed my hair for the first time in over twenty years. Yup. Since 1988 I’ve just been letting it grow, on it’s own, all naturally. Then occasionally hacking off a couple inches from the bottom myself. I sort of just didn’t care any more for cuts and styles after the several years of several insane do’s in the eighties. The most notorious of which was probably the horse’s mane. This was - head shaved up to each side to the crown, leaving about a 5 inch strip of foot long hair which was then dyed in black and red stripes, across not down. Perfectly hideous. Probably one of the ugliest things I could have come up with. But I was feeling pretty ugly there in 1987, probably one of the worst years of my life, that and 1986.

Suddenly I decided I wanted change. But change I could live with. Something easy and low maintenance. Something that covered up the miles of pallid forehead that I was hating in pictures. But I was frightened Auntie Em.
I went yesterday and got bangs cut in despite all that fear. And guess what? Bangs are kicky. Bangs are cute. Bangs are just what the doctor ordered. I would totally post a photobooth picture if that wasn’t going to give away the secret identity.
The only thing is, now I think I will actually need to purchase a piece of equipment and that just really goes against my nature. I think I am going to have to have a curling iron. If I was able to avoid that scene in the seventies getting one now seems REALLY odd. I think that is just the price I am going to have to pay.
Pray for me that I don’t manage to burn the house down.

I’m a toys-r-us kid

I must be growing up. I actually used up a tube of lip balm instead of losing it.

Horrendous

This is my new favourite toothpaste. It is a weird dark green. And the taste. Ooo. Awful in a way that only Asian toothpaste can be. It’s a blend of Neem (have you ever tasted Neem? ‘Orrible just ‘orrible. I have a bottle of Neem oil here if anyone cares to try). And then it is sweetened with really strong Acacia. Whoo!
And this just makes it so freakin’ pungent and weird. Which of course means it’s a million times better than the fruity or minty bubblegummy wretchedness that is American toothpaste brands.

2 or 3 hours later

Here’s a recipe we like:
(1) Start with a good going over with Rachel Perry Perfectly Clear Herbal Antiseptic.

(2) Apply pore strips (according to directions)

(3) Make a good masque. Mine was Rachel Perry Clay & Ginseng mixed with some kind of Mexican clay. All the way up to and including my ear stretches.

(4) Somewhere in this process decide to throw on a couple tubes of hot oil into hair.

(5) Throw a few tablespoons of Swiss Kriss in a steel pot of with a couple inches of boiling, filtered water. Steam head under towels till sweating profusely (and if you’re like me drooling just a little).

(6) Get a big, good lighted mirror, tweeze everything annoying and gently remove white and blackheads that are vulnerable for the first time in ages.

(7) Apply another pore strip or two for good measure while everything is steamed and loosened.

(8) Take a nice shower with a sisal glove and Kiss My Face Olive Oil soap sloughing.
Wash out oil with Pure Shampoo and Pure Rosemary/Mint conditioner. Pumice and alladat.

(9) Apply Rachel Perry Violet Rose Toner and Nutrimin Reversing Gelee transforming lift for eyes.

(10) Trim hair

(11) Finish face with Rachel Perry Calendula - Cucumber oil free moisturizer with echinacea.
Cover rest of self with Aloe 80 Lotion.

(12) Put on your all clean, all best, underwear.

(13) Pick out very cute outfit.

(14) Polish boots

(15) Feel pretty damn good.

I may be pretty masculine but I am a pretty good metrosexual as well.

Meswak vs. Neem

I get my toothpaste at the Indian foods store. Why? Because I can’t bear the taste of regular toothpaste, it makes me gag.
I used to get Vicco when I was young, strong and thought that if food didn’t make you tear up it wasn’t hot enough. But Vicco is the Ayurvedic, intensely herbal, completely bizarre toothpaste from heck and I can’t handle it anymore.
So now I alternate between Neem and Meswak.
Neem is nice although they changed the formulae a few years ago and it now more closely resembles an American paste. Too bad as it used to be really awesome and unique.
So I tried Meswak. But it has that anise/fennel under taste. I hate licourice or anything resembling it. The only exception being that small amount of fennel in Italian sausage. But my gums like Meswak.

So the only strategy left is to alternate the reasons I’m gagging everyday.

If you have a recommendation feel free. But leave off Waleda pink, any Tom’s product or most American brands that I’m likely to have already tried. As well as salt, vinegar or baking soda.

I’ve come to a conclusion

Which is that I hate fringe. Carpets, mexican blankets, various vests, certain shawls, I just hate it. At best it’s annoying, at worst it’s a tangled, screwy and un-fixable mess.
Don’t even try to wash something fringed except by the most careful, laborious and time consuming hand wash method. Don’t take your oriental carpets to the professionals to be re-fringed and fixed unless you have a private income.

I suspect that fringe was made popular by the wealthiest of the victorian upper classes as a way to instantly discern when visiting others, who had enough money to hire a full-time fringe caretaker as a servant.

And the biggest no-no about fringe is don’t try to cut it off. You will then find you’re beyond the valley of time and patience to fix the filthy, knotted, burr-ridden mess it will become. Needless to point out that that only helps if you want the entire item to become one, big ball of matted fringe. Just give it or throw it away beforehand.