Chemical Castration

I’ve been having a bit of a “flat affect.” You may not have noticed.

So “we” are trying some new things. Massive doses of vitamin D3 is one. Three weeks after taking 5000 IU’s a day my levels are up into the bottom ranges of normal. Therefore I assume, that there was in fact, a previous deficit. Even though it’s one of the least expensive supplements I’ve ever gotten I am glad to say I can now drop on down to 3000 IU’s. Every little bit it helps.

Also it would appear that somewhere a hypo-thyroid thing appeared. I am being told that this nifty new pill will put some zippy in my pip. Am I pzipy yet? You tell me.

Then there’s the perennial favourite, which is that it is no longer February and early March in Michigan. This winter was a straight out bitch. What a long drawn out drag.

And there is the slow burn, subtle furious-ness at government and their insistence and propaganda that as a fat smoker I am THE embodiment of THE problem. Slow burn hatred is never good for my productivity. But again, I’m sure noone noticed.

And there you have it, the word castration is coming from the Greek word kaezein.
And that’s a cheesy movie reference, if you don’t get it it really can’t be helped.

I think...

And yes, I do on occasion do so, and right now I’m thinking that Craigslist is eating my soul, warping my mind and skewing my perceptions of my fellow humans.

It is the dreck of the dregs and I think I need a break from the stupidity and foulness as well as television news, again. (Probably for the next ,oh maybe, a little more than sixty days?)

Guns don’t kill people, the inanity of the masses makes people want to kill themselves.

Honey, hide the forks, my foreheads a-itchin.

I’m special

Haven’t felt much like blogging lately. Several things offer themselves as explanations.

One is that I started a new job before I had finished the old one. Since working at all makes me feel a little put upon, this has caused me to feel double PU’d.

Also there were many birthday festives and excesses drawing my attention as well as tiring me out. Apparently I only do the social for one week solid around now, one week sporadic around Thanksgiving and one week solid around XMAS/New Year.

Also, I’m feeling monitored and spied on, here, lately. Not sure whether there is any basis in reality. But it’s inhibiting. Annoying that.

So I’ll be going to three days a week next week for work, as well as starting a new class, “Social and Political Philosophy”. Whether that will help or hinder, remains to be seen.

Stopcock and the flat line

This thing that has come up about fun....
It’s really preying on me now. I took a stress questionnaire from my psych book the other day. I got a 27 when the average is 14.

I used to have a really effective technique for de-stressing. Get just stupid drunk and run around like a total fool, basically just tearin’ my ass as my good friend says. It would really take the head off the steam in the pressure cooker. But it takes me like 4 days to recover from that nowadays. I just can’t do it anymore.

But the question is what is the alternative? It’s just really hard to find anything that makes me laugh good, long, and hard which is one of the only really effective, non-harming, methods I know.

It doesn’t help being broke either, as this is a really hard town to have fun in when destitute and not on drugs.

I just need some thing, some method, some divine intervention or something.

Restaurant-o-rama

Lord I have been on a crazy, eat out, don’t have to cook, bliss fest.
Saturday - I did Knight’s with Charley Daytona who was in town for the day. Frankly I was a little disappointed. The bread and the clam chowder were excellent but the ribs were sub par and the corn on the cob was cold. And they had 86’d the buffalo shrimp.

Sunday lunch - was the regular Chenai Vilas Indian food buffet with Dramamama. It was good but again slightly disappointing. I guess the Sunday buffet has some odd dishes in it. The Manchurian Gobi was just awesome as usual though.

Sunday night we did the birthday dinner thing at The Real Seafood. Scotto, MsInLaw, Oliver and I went. It was really very good. I had lobster fettucine because I hardly ever get lobster since becoming Buddhist. The creme brulee was to die for but could have used a thicker crust. The bread delicious, the slaw was great. Our waiter - very cool.

Monday I stayed home and had leftovers and such.

Tuesday I went with the entire fam damily to The Blue Nile. Delicious, overindulgent and a great source of good poop.

Oh and I made myself a good little cake which we’re still chipping away at. French vanilla, heart shaped, layer cake with almond butter cream frosting and fresh strawberries. Yum.

Now, as so often, the birthday signifies the end of summer and the beginning of school. It’s so odd that we’re back to that place where I lived my childhood always knowing that as soon the fun peaked it was grind time. Into the Freylach I go....

Ho-ley Mo-ley

See this is why I can’t ever tour. At first today I just wanted to stay awake through Coronation Street. Then I wanted to just lay on the couch napping and croaking. Then I wanted extra, naughty, coffee. Then Pizza. Then I wanted to draw. Then I wanted to shower. Then tickle my cat until he bit me just to feel his little, big, harsh teeth in my palm meat. Now I needed to write. I’m going back to drawing now.

Mugly

The weather is finally turning (some). Up till now it’s just been intensely difficult to stand up under. So hot, so humid, so enervating...
Now it’s still as wet as ever but not so horribly hot. Someday my prince will come and he’ll have a central AC unit on his truck. Just for that one week in July and that one week in Aug. when I just can’t bear to get into a wet bed and sleep on that wet pillow.

Guh

Man. This heat. I haven’t been able to think, sleep or eat right for... well.... I really don’t know how long because it’s totally sucked my butt and my brain for days now.
I remember doing the show on Saturday. It was hot but not horrific. After that it’s all just a blur of some Indian food, then opening and shutting windows, adjusting fans, becoming increasingly angry and irritable. People on the phone wanting this, that and all this attention.
There’s bits of sitting in the basement frustrated and bored but at least semi-cool. Begging Oliver to go out somewhere, anywhere, air-conditioned. Of course there’s his stubborn refusal to go anywhere avoidable in public. I tell you what, sometimes being the muse to the moody, freakish, broke, genius is a serious chore. All I wanted was a pepsi and he wouldn’t give it to me. So I went insane instead, having only just now gotten enough cool air into the house and Chunky Monkey ice-cream down my gullet to not be a serious, head ripping off, threat to the next person who walks by me.

Meanwhile I am leaving town on Thursday and have very little that needs to be done, done. Nothing of import can be done when you’re sitting in a chair passing out from heat prostration and you don’t want to lay down because everything is wet or becomes wet within nanoseconds.

I’ll be tooling over to upstate NY to look at a lot of falling water (hopefully). Checking out the old birth place, and then doing the tunnel under the falls at Niagara. All the family except a second cousin are now dead, so clearly I won’t be seeing them. But we’ll see the places and eat wonderful, wonderful roast beast on Kimmelwick. I’ll be picking up some quality horseradish and Wise potato chips as well. Maybe I’ll try to pick up some Carvel something (not gigantic) too. Cookie Puss!!!!!

Lists

Apparently I have switched my focus from writing to reading. However I’ve got to get back in the saddle as I have three major writing projects on the summer burner. I have really enjoyed the several weeks of reading a novel a day though. Nothing like being sick for an excuse to just lay around munching down the mind candy. Lot’s of John MacDonald and children’s books, but I never finished The Prince which is a day overdue now.

I’m back to thinking about Blake, Tolstoy and Swedenborg, their manias and visions and am hoping to squooze in some more research on TLE now that I’m thinking about it again. But my list of summer tasks grows each day and I’m not making much counter strikes on the scratching the finished ones off as of yet.

I am back on the blood sugar efforts as well as having got myself down to one black tea bag a day and no chocolate for a couple weeks now. I’ve also gotten the smokes back down to 18 per day. Having trouble getting beyond that yet. Been sounding very Sylvia Simon lately.

First order of business is triune: Get the hole in my stomach healed, get ready for a big garage sale beginning of June and get the Elder program up to par.
In between all of that I have to try to get going on finding some money for school next year as well as get admitted somewhere. Those are the big ticket items.
The rest is the perpetual house chores and I’m hoping to garden.
Now that I don’t have to do crap like writing 12 page papers, I hope to get more of this sort of writing done as well as I’ve set myself a goal of 20 new songs over the summer. I have 2 half written so far.

All right, that’s a start. I'll get back to you with something profound when I get it put together. I’d say I’m getting stronger everyday but I see where that gets me.....

“Things fall apart-

The center does not hold”

MAYBE

• I am in rebellion against the new blogger version I was finally forced to adopt
• I am tired of being scrutinized
• I had a death in the family and the reverberations are stressful and enervating
• I am overly sensitive and withholding
• I am sick of writing
• I feel vulnerable
• I’d rather just sit here and cuddle my cat
• I’m just frickin’ tired
• I have nothing of any import to say

Weasy

Temporarily disabled by;
Too much reading of deadly LAWNET officers poetry, temporary haiku bereftness, sick headaches, watching Johnny Depp bio’s, the counseling against the swirling pain and legal issues like a maelstrom I’m in the eye of. Laziness that is never temporary enough to my taste. Prayerfully temporary freezingness that makes me crippled with the rheumatiz and inertia. Going from stick to stick and task to task only as absolutely necessary and unavoidable. This is avoidable, mores the pity, so therefore undone.

And into the home stretch

When I go back tomorrow finals start. Seems like I just finished midterms. Oh wait that’s because we JUST finished midterms. Fuck it seems like it never ends. So I’m being a fairly good kid and trying to stay abreast as it were. I’ve basically completed two major projects either on time or ahead of time and only have two more major projects and a recital to complete by the eighteenth, both projects I am starting as soon as I finish this and read the Sunday paper.

I am tired though. Still sick and just really over it all. Next semester will be tough (math again) so I need to be rested and ready. I’m already ready already for winter break. I need more sleep. Apparently cats don’t believe in people sleeping, only themselves.