AM Earworm

One Is The Loneliest Number - Three Dog Night
You’ve Got A Lot To See - Brian (of Family Guy)

Free show, new band

Saturday, August 2nd, Liberty Plaza, noon.
The Grantchester Question
Followed by The Czars @ one.

It's Nigel nicked

My uncle once - drove his milk truck, literally, across the Niagara River.

Never in my life - have I killed a human

When I was five - I was boy crazy

High school was - Batshit insane

I will never forget - fairies, Mescalito, and chess sets in the sky

I once met - H.H. The Dalai Lama

There's a girl I know - who is so damn sad, it’s just terrible to watch

Once, at a bar - I licked Mojo Nixon

By noon, I'm usually - feeling fairly human

Last night - my dogs were barking

If I only had - health

Next time I go to church it will be - a wedding, a funeral or Hell will be unseasonably cold

What worries me most is - brain damage

When I turn my head left I see - Nigel hanging out with cats

When I turn my head right I see - a bit of a mess

You know I'm lying when - I lie

What I miss most about the eighties is - having the cajones to wrap and tie myself in shreds of black lace and leave the house

If I were a character in Shakespeare I would be - a fish monger

By this time next year I would - like to have some income

A better name for me would be - Homer Snodgrass

I have a hard time understanding people who - think war is positive in any way

If I ever go back to school - I'll have found a massive pile of money

You know I like you if - I touch your arm

If I ever won an award the first person I would thank would be - Mr. Roboto

Take my advice, never - drink straight vinegar

My ideal breakfast is - going to Frank’s, and splitting an order of french toast, a BLT with fries, and a side of coleslaw with someone witty and charming

A song I love but do not have is - The Bells Of Moscow

If you visit my hometown I suggest you - go sailing

Why won't people - get one F’ing clue

If you spend the night at my house you’d better - like cats and smoke

I'd stop my wedding for - pretty much anything, I’m simply not the marrying kind

The world could do without - High Fructose Corn Syrup!

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than - be a Thanatoser

My favorite blonds(s) is/are - usually under the age of four

Paper clips are more useful than - trying to guess motivations

If I do anything well it's - somatization

And by the way - I want a feast, I want a bean feast

Putting the Alpo Back in the Can

In case anyone in this whole freakin' town didn't get invited....

Uncle Bunny's Going Away Party
5PM TODAY (Sunday)
@ The SH/Aut'
Cash Bar
Light snacks served
Food Service available from The Aut

AM Earworm

EG: E.G.O. - The Grantchester Question

Woke up, it was an Ed Wood morning

And the first thing that I saw
Was crazy looking, Bela Lugosi, graveside, in Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Oh, could it be a better way to start the day? Toast & honey, jasmine tea ( I caffeine splurged) and Vampira. How can her waist be so small and her hands so gianormous? Are we sure she’s a biological female?

Zombies are here solely for our benefit!
We still haven’t learnt the message they bring - No more doomsday's!

Oop, Tor Johnson has risen, I gotta start paying attention.

AM Earworm

An interesting medley of Le Tigre (Much Finer & LT Tour Theme)and The Pixies (The Happening).

NEXT!

“The Mantis and the Moth” by Max Weatherly.
I am starting to question whether I actually even have any ability to discern good from trash. Maybe in books as in life “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
Because, again, I found this to be not trashy fiction at all.

Now, I don’t know if it is true, as the cover alerts me that “This book assures Mr. Weatherly a place alongside Truman Capote, Eudora Welty and Carson McCullers.” Because even though I have read all those folk I just cannot judge such a thing. And I also know that “The Ballad of the Sad Cafe” and “Other Voices Other Rooms” hit me pretty hard, in a way that this book doesn’t. But that could as easily be correspondent to the very different, much younger, place I read those other books in.

Still, it was good, it was dark, it was twisted, and reminiscent of my idol Shirley Jackson. Therefore I liked it but it didn’t hold a candle to “We Have Always Lived In The Castle” which is much more of a drama as well as a mind fuck.

Bela Lugosi's (not) Dead

Pictures of Lilies (Again)

My Sweet Lady Anne

I've done what I can....

Onward through the trash

“Jane-Emily” by Patricia Clapp.
Actually this one is not so very trashy. I grabbed it because I remembered liking it as a kid. And I still like it. A little ghosty, a little possession thing going on. I’m good with that.

All main characters are female and actually quite, quite, strong for a bunch of pre-suffragettes. It is really a story of five disparate women. It’s decent. I seem to recall reading it in the fourth grade. The copyright is ‘69 so that is possible. It’s probably not for that age normally, much more a YA thing.

Remedies

As a counter agent to one type of trashy fiction, I picked up this, and some other trashy fiction at UBU’s, super cheap, book sale. I can no resist the 50 cent books.
(And no, troll, that was not a typo, grammatical error or whatev.)

This was a classic Harlequin. Some fairly chaste kissing and a lifelong, inescapable, romance culminating in an honourable proposal of marriage in less than a week. Set in a romantic location ( Bahamas for this one) with just a smitch of research on local customs, foodstuffs, and imports and exports thrown in for veracity.

I had to exclaim “Oh no she dit-int” when the British, dowager, Grand-mama made a comment about “packs of darkies”. This sent me scrabbling around the front of the book looking for copyright dates. Apparently, while it was first published as “Nurse Incognito” by Harlequin in ‘64, there was an earlier, hardback, version in Britain. Still one would think, since this was reissued under its current title in ‘73, someone would have pointed out that that simply isn’t done anymore.

Edit: I just had to teach spellchek “darkies”. I think my point has been proved.

Did I mention it is freaking hot?

Add your own caption. I decided to forego the obvious

The Bad Week

This is teh eevill. The week of hell in our town. It starts with the “Townie Party” on Monday night. Now we must endure the madding crowds all week. And for those who insist that Art Fair somehow pays off in the long run I ask “Who pays for all the urine and trash collection?” Me. “Who pays for the week of cleanup?” Me. “who doesn’t make a fricking dime from Art Fair?” Me. FEH.

OK Kiddles

It’s the 16th. So how's everybody (barring UBU, Nigel, & Oliver) doing on their SCRII editions? I have my list but not my disc. I’ve been busy breaking in the new machine for which I sold my soul, yet again. It’s great to have great credit. I can completely overcommit and screw myself w/out even having a job.
EDIT: On the irony of typing this, on this box, while having just gone to the food bank. Odd you say? But they don’t give you food on credit.

Love comes in spurts

And so does blogging apparently.

Whoa Nelly

I am not afraid of porn. I’m not particularly interested in it either.
I just read a filthy, filthy, book. And not filthy in a good way like Nitro von Borax’s “Pigglyland”. My cup of tea is like, looking at pictures of emo boys kissing or reading some mild erotica. Nothing too taxing or graphic. Having read “The Happy Hooker” when I was 10, then having lived the life I have, I am just too jaded to be thrilled by the hardcore.
When I picked up this particular novel that came with a load of books primarily comprised of self-help, christian mysticism, get rich schemes, vitamin bibles, and computer language manuals from Oliver's fathers estate I expected the male version of a bodice buster. Perhaps I might have a mild frisson', eh?

It says on the back cover “Mother’s Three Daughters" is one of the most famous works of fiction of the early twentieth century, thought to be the work of French novelist Pierre Louys, (I can’t find the umlaut anywhere, it should be over the Y), the author of “Aphrodite”.
It goes on to summarize the plot and then quotes Wayland Young saying
“ A notable modern novel written out of a perverse compulsion.... This is one of the largest and most real presentations of the whore-charachter in European fiction.”
If only that had meant something to me at the time!

The cover art did nothing to warn me either. As usual you just can’t take the era out of the girl. The three models in the photo are so definitively from the late 60’s, early 70’s. No amount of faked up, turn of the century, chemises and pantaloons could ever convince anyone otherwise. As well as so clearly not being 10, 14 and 20 years old like the prostitutes in the story. Oh, did I not mention that two of the prostitutes were under 15? The most sadistic and jaded one being the 10 year old? Anne Rice’s weak attempts at a titillating baby vampiress has NOTHING on this.

I will never, ever, think of the victorians and post vicky’s the same way again. Corphragy, sadism, incest, anal, bestiality and really, really, naughty, potty mouths. This so totally explains why generations all around that era were so completely conflicted. And here I was wondering what the hell was going on with Japanese porn lately, what I thought was a “sudden and new” obsession with corphragy, it turns out is just another turn of the wheel.

I am way out of my league with this one, I think a couple months strict diet of children's books is needed to put my digestion back in order.

(Did I mention the male narrator is a royal asshole?)

I'm aware that I suck but....

There are plenty of people suck a lot harder than me.

I looked in on a new, strangers, blog today from a blog roll of someone I read regularly. The name was very promising. It bespoke a fun hipster, possibly restoring an old house. I thought that an amble through someone else’s vintage kitchen and projects could be “we-fweshing”.
NOPE
It was a blog about the things she buys and does that make her feel cool. I-phones, neon nail polish, going to be media-ized at the local infectarium playhouse. Wearing white sunglasses with quaint rhinestone accents in the frame corners.

I’m going to break out the ferrule, pat your palm 10 strokes and make you write 100 lines. “You can’t buy cool”.

Hey remember?

We used to say:

Riki tiki tembo no sii rembo
cherry berry ruchi
pit perry pembo

Why? Why did we say that?

Also:
Flea
flea fly
flea fly flo
veesta
cumalata cumalata cumalata veesta
o no no no
not kaveesta
eena meeny desi meeny oowalla walla meeny
eeny meeny desi meeny ooo walla wah
beat billy oten doten bo bo be deeten daten
shh

I have a feeling that one came from Gullah. I’m not sure why, just an intuition.

Descending into wurmage

Today: Reasons - Earth, Wind & Fire ( I was having a sexy dream)
Yesterday: That Pretenders song that is really a waltz
Thursday: Omission - Me, or really us. We who still have no name. A current thought is Dancing At Cars. Also Waz or Up The Waz is a new contender.

Tonify The Tiger

Today is the last day of the FauxTea. Which I read inside my mind as Foti. Frankly, I’d rather it was Foti, as Polygonum multiflorum, otherwise known as foti, is alleged to:

“Tonify the kidneys, Balance a fragile yin. Treat weak bones and premature graying of hair and protect the skin against UVB damage. When taken internally, P. multiflorum also has a laxative effect.
P. multiflorum contains stilbene glycosides similar to resveratrol and with superior antioxidant activity. Resveratrol is extracted from P. multiflorum's close relative, Japanese knotweed (P.Cuspidatum). Resveratrol has been suggested to extend life span by a variety of mechanisms” (Wikipedia).

Hee, hee, hee, “Tonify”.

For you, but not for me

AM earworm 2 mornings running, It’s A Beautiful World - DEVO

More than this

Despite everything I have been through today, having been up setting up yard sale since 6:30AM, I still remember my AM earworm.
Mystery Achievement - The Pretenders

Thanks for stopping by Ms. Destruction and Mr. Von Borax!

Slappy Mirthday

So yeah, today is the birthday of this blog. There was recently a conversation between my bro, sis, and dad about how stupid blogs are if they are about anything but a point of expertise, such as politics, sociology, weather, I don't know, whatever, in other words about oneself. My interjection was that I try to make it a point to NEVER talk about anything relevant. I suppose that me is my only point of expertise. They do say write what you know. I have put a lot of dedicated man hours into the old “know thyself”.

But I thought it would be interesting at his juncture to insert my first entry for review just to make sure I remember the mission statement which was quite a bit more cocky and punk rock then.

“Ahem....

So it arose and it was scary to do. But I plunged, as one must, without really testing the waters.
The actual title is "The Sunday Morning Subtle But Obvious Organized Self Abuse Swim Club". And yes, apparently I snagged it before any of the people that were there at the time did, at least around this cyber location. Not that I would mind hearing from any of you who were there, even briefly, at Stoners Blough, Michigan.

I do want to make something abundantly clear:
I never took a proper English class past 7th grade, and while just recently I have been learning some grammar fundamentals, due to having taken up a new language, other than it being helpful to learn the proper names of parts of speech in order to learn a different grammar, I don't care.
My spelling is decent, my punctuation is primarily, self invented. I write a lot of songs and poetry where I get to make it up as I go along. At least in my belief system I get to make it up. If your belief system tells you differently, well, that's nice for you.
I have also never taken a proper science or math class since 7th grade, again, I'm making it up as I go along.

I understand that there are people who just have a really hard time with that, that's nice, you're entitled to be rigid or secure or confident or enjoy whatever comforts those systems bring you. I have a bit more of a "by the seat of my pants" approach.
Which is actually kind of ironic as I never wear pants, unless you're English, in which case I almost always do.

The point being if there is some fascinating discourse to be had, fun, swell, and hoopty-do, but I really don't want to discuss my punctuation and grammar with almost anyone, the notable exceptions being my former or current English teachers.”

So that was the extent of my plan at the time. To write what and how I wanted and to apparently prevent any future discourse about at least the mechanics of it all.

And a slappy mirthday to Nige as well.

It's that time again

Sat/Sun 10-5 (ask me if you want to know where).
Music & gear, MTG cards, formica table, disc golf, campstuff, kidstuff, tools, books, the usual. No earlies.

It sucks having to do it on the holiday, but, if you haven't noticed it has rained every weekend for like 5 weeks.

SwimClub Radio II

Ok pals, it’s July 1st. Time to pledge yer troth to SCII. So far I have Archfiend, UBU, Oliver and Nigel roped in. I even already have Oliver and Nigels second round entries.
So if you want in (or out for that matter), speak up, and I would like to have the entries by the 15th....